Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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