Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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