omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
