So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
