She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
