It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Are my feet made of real feet?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
