Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
