yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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