Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
