piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
