There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize