the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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