my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
