Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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