ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
