She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
