pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
