i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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