i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
