Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
