Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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