he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
