It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
