we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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