when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
