so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just cropdusted the office
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
