Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
