remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
