it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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