Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
