Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize