Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
