The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
