I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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