Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
