i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
