She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
