My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
