YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
