Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
