it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
