Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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