Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
