Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize