At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
