shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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