she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Enjoy the penises
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
