You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
