Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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