a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
