So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
