Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
