I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
