It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
