FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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