Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
