We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
