are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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