Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
