I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
