I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
