she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
