John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize