her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
