At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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