I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
