Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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