he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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