be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize