my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
