If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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