i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
