"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we're so committed to being not committed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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