don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize