So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
