eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
