i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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