I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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