I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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