Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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