I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
