I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
