hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
