I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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