On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
