I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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