I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
