My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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