Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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