Define "chronic" masturbator.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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