oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
