I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
