I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
