i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
