remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize