im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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