Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
