1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
