i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
His nipple licking is glorious
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