His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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