Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
