my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry about my life...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
