youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
