And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
