I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
