so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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