is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
