What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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