you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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