I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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