We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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