you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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