if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
