is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
