where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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