my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
